Only In Phoenix, Do You Go To The Bahamas For Cooler Weather.


(Yes, I’m home, but now I have to finally sit down and write all the shit that happened, so…let’s just pretend that I’m still in the Bahamas, okay?  Who’s with me!?)

A Facebook IM conversation…because I had no cell service AND I LIVED.

Me: I just saw a shark from my balcony!

Ryan: Sweet! Hopefully it was humming its theme song. Even if just to itself. Dun dun. Dun dun.

Me: HA! Add smallish (12-24″) sea turtle. I *may* have accidentally yelled, “TURTLE!” thereby disrupting the entire formal dining room, when I spotted it through the window. In my defense…it was a fucking turtle…in the ocean…just swimming like it belonged there.

Ryan: It’s much more fun to just randomly yell turtle, like on the light rail, or something.

Me: Please don’t give me ideas.

Ryan: But that’s why I’m here, to give you ideas. (And get you thrown off the light rail.)

Me: Awesome…just what I need.

28 thoughts on “Only In Phoenix, Do You Go To The Bahamas For Cooler Weather.

  1. stormydreams

    They should be glad it was only turtle. There’s far worse things you could have randomly bellowed out. Hope you enjoyed your vacation, though!

  2. Randstein

    I think screaming turtle is perfectly okay until the ship capsizes or the balcony collapses. Then I think legislators, under pressure from Entertainment Tonight journalists, will pass laws to make turtles against the law.

  3. Firstly, can you and Randstein possibly both be ignorant of Gamera?

    Secondly, one CAN combine turtles and sharks for both types of thrill: Pleasure, and that wee frisson of sheer terror. While in Hawaii, one son urged me to swim out to where the turtles were swimming, but that broke my 15′ depth rule–the depth beyond which I know the sharks lie in wait for me. He scoffed. Moments later, I saw a wake the size of a tsunami behind his kicking feet as he glided gently and unhurriedly back to join me.

    “Oooo”, said my little fishy, “I saw a shark!”
    Loud as he could, to his mommy he barked.

    “That shark almost ate you for–See, fool, told you so!” said Mama.

    • HA! Gamera!!! Dude, that’s AMAZING! Rand, are you seeing this!?

      I have the same rule. I try and stick to the 15′ or less. Luckily there was a REALLY long shallow on this beach, so I was a good distance and still was only around 12-15′ water, but I was super paranoid the entire time. 🙂 Sharks are one of my scary scaries.

      • You never saw the Mothra twins!?
        Did you never even see Baby Godzilla jumping over Big Godzilla’s tail!? (SO cute.)

        Go back to your cave in shame. For penance, five “Crawling Eyeball”s and five “Night of the Giant Lepus” (both truly awful films–although the latter lets you see doggies running around in day-for-night with coffee cups taped to their noses, playing really big SCAWY bunnies.)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s