So, friends, I have escaped the confines of a Phoenix summer for a few spare moments, and I’m in my favorite place on Earth. Now, because we come every couple of years, the kids have already seen the major attractions, and we’re now able to focus on the subtleties of the city. Unfortunately, that’s how my mother managed to convince me to go to The Whitney Museum. Now, before you label me a Philistine, let me point out that I love art. I spent great deal of time in college studying art history, just for pleasure. That having been said…I fucking hate the modern era. There are some beautiful contemporary pieces and talented artists, but by my estimation, easily 50% of modern art is complete shit that somebody threw together because they were pissed at their parents.
Case in point…
I’m not sure what makes me the most angry about this…that someone got away with selling it…that the Whitney is showing it…or that for five minutes, I watched some pretentious asshole telling his female companion about the “genius of the brush strokes”.
Sooooo….is the art part that you took the effort to hit up some Goodwill stores, or that you can build a lit Lucite box?
This isn’t art…this is what happens when a mother finally gets tired of all the fucking stuffed animals collecting dust in her house, and snaps. $20 says that this is what happened after some poor mom in the suburbs had her monthly Bunco night canceled, and she was left alone with three kids, a bottle of vodka, and a whole bunch of rage.
I thought the museum janitor had gotten lazy. But no.
If the artist has ever seen an actual vagina…then that woman needs to be referred to a health care provider IMMEDIATELY.
This is what I want to do to someone, every time that I get invited to one of those fucking Partylite parties.
And the coup de grace… Every year, I have my students do an IDENTICAL activity about who they are. And every year, one kid TRIES to put a dick on his body form, and every year I tell that kid to cut the shit and take it off. Somewhere in America…this kid’s teacher is shaking her head.
Now, this…this is art…why? Because a sassy dead rabbit who can protest, speak French, and be slightly existential? That’s a whole bunch of alright in my book.
38 thoughts on “I Heart You, New York. Why? Because, Like New York, My Heartbeat Is Irregular”
Wow. Just Wow. Now that is a giant pile of shit. Great post. I love the commentary.
I could have gone on for days… So. Much. Material.
We went to the SF MOMA to see the Frida Kahlo exhibit in 2008 when I was first walking around after my stroke. They were very nice to me and I liked the exhibit a lot, but in another part of the museum there was this piece made from some kind of fiber that looked just like the clumps of hair you pull out of the shower drain…
I’m 90% sure that that’s EXACTLY what you saw. 🙂
YES! This. Everything THIS! Girl, I was about to feel guilty for my anger management issues when viewing modern “art,” but this has proven to me that I’m normal (well, normal-ish). I don’t get it. I just don’t. If I enjoyed conning people, I would have become a millionaire making “art” like this years ago.
RIGHT!? My kids make better shit at the kitchen table.
Yeah, Ad Reinhardt (1st one) pisses me off too. But I like Mike Kelley (3rd one in, he’s done everything from Fluxus performances to Sonic youth album covers), also I like the severed leg and the French rabbits.
And should you happen to catch any of the “SHOWTIME!!!” subway dancers, a lot of them have some tight moves. 🙂
I was seriously pissed that we missed dancers entirely and only scored a woman pretending to be blind. (I remember her strolling above ground ten minutes before…cane and disability mysteriously not in effect, yet)
Damn. I have about as much respect for faking disability as I do for that Rachel Dolenzal girl in the news lately faking being black!
Dude! She is INSANE!!!
Hey, hey, hey…it’s harder to make fun of them when you know their name! 🙂
Here’s a blog I wrote with other info: https://jennydevildoll.wordpress.com/2012/02/01/mike-kelley-r-i-p/
I mean, we don’t all have to like the same art. I just recognized his work, and therefore know his name… As for Ad Reinhardt, it pisses me off whether I know his name or not!
Argh. I’m mid-cruise, but I’ll read it the minute I’m on land! 🙂
Bahahahahahahahahaha pretenious modern art bullshit – thanks for the laugh and I agree 1000%!
I blame the artists less because they’re getting paid, than I blame the people buying it an encouraging it. Stop feeding the bears, people!
Marcel Duchamp was signing urinals back in the day 🙂 http://www.iwanttobeabattaglia.com/giovanna-battaglia-favorites/2011/8/31/marcel-duchamp.html
I love New York! Last time we were there in April we checked out a few of the ‘different’ things as we too have done all the touristy stuff.
We found this:
Have you seen it?
Also took the same photos of the subway signs…..and we were treated to the guys doing the routines in the trains a couple of times…. Awesome place to visit ❤️
We also finally got to Mood fabric store. I need to write that post, complete with pictures. 🙂
If none of the “artists” that created this crap aren’t dead… It isn’t art 😀
They can’t die of something mundane like a stroke, either!
First of all, FUCK the Whitney! Almost all of it is GARBAGE! And second, so can we do coffee since your in NYC?! Like for reals! CAN WE?!
Argh! I’m on a cruise, and I’m already in Florida! I wish I would have thought of it before we left! Damnnnn itttttt!
Why thank you, friend. 🙂
I’m not fond of the MoMA for exactly the same reasons. Although there are some pieces there I love. Have you been to the Frick museum? One of my favorite places on earth. (Okay that’s a little exaggeration but love it, love it, love it.)
I haven’t done the Frick, yet! It’s on the list. The kids love the Met, because it is all things.
Yeah you can’t beat that with the mummies and armor for them. We take field trips there for history through art. Very cool.
I love that place. The rooms they have decorated for bygone eras…damn I love that exhibit.
me too me too me too me too me toooooo
Right? It’s like HGTV and the Jane Austen had a love child. LOVE IT.
Love the post, feeling sentimental. xoxo
Hugs back at you. 🙂 I miss NY already, but then, I always do.
I remember standing in the National Art Gallery in London and similarly looking at a black painting and thinking what a rip-off it was. My friend and I looked at each other and said simultaneously: “It’s a black painting – wish I’d thought to do something so stupid.”
Right? Apparently, *I’m* an artist, because I could have knocked that thing out…no sweat. 🙂