The following was texted to me by a friend who was driving through one of the most gang-infested areas of the city…you know…where I used to work. 🙂
Leslie: Oh, my, God! I was just driving through Maryvale, and I saw a white guy on a bicycle, waving a Confederate flag, screaming about ‘Mexicans and n——s’.
Me: It’s the new alternative to pulling a gun on a cop. I call that move, “Suicide by Redneck.”
Leslie: Gotta work better than all the meth he was smoking.
Me: Trust me, that hillbilly has drunk his last Big Gulp. Right now, his carcass is already being eaten by a pack of stray pit bulls and one really badass chihuahua.
Leslie: I hope they don’t choke on all the bullets.
Fisticuffs and Shenanigans 
LOL! Supposedly there is an area just a bit north of where I am in Putnam County, NY which is rumored to be “just like ‘Deliverance’!”
Whatever you do…do NOT squeal like a pig!!!
Was he gay and in a wheelchair by any chance?
Matthew is black. God…gay, black AND in a wheelchair would be the world’s best triple play.
Thank god he’s not a Jew.
If only…
Hahaha. Maybe he’s acting so crazy people will be afraid to approach him.
Normally, I’d say that’s brilliant, but I’m almost positive it just will get him shot at a distance. lol
Oh yeah. I forget all you Yanks own guns. He could be shot by anyone anywhere.
That’s not true. My kids don’t. Well…one of my kids.
Then you are a shitty mother.
Hey, he’s a felon, he can’t carry for another 16 months, when he’s off probation.
At which time you will throw a “my baby can carry a gun again” party. I know Americans like to party, snort cocaine, and show their breasts at nightclubs.
Yes, we’re all red cups and tits.
I want to come visit.
That’ll make an interesting customs form. “Reason for visit? Disposable glassware and secondary sex characteristics.”
I will put “to shoot guns with Meg and get drunk.”
Dear Lord, don’t mention we’re friends…they’ll never let you in.
There goes the gene pool again. 😦
I’m just praying he’s killed before he spawns.
The Zombie Apocalypse is upon us and I haven’t started my bunker yet. Doh!
Room?
Of course! Mitigating Zombies is hard work. One can’t do it alone. How are you with freeze dried pizza and beer? 🙂
Sounds like ambrosia.
Excellent! I’ll send you the grid coordinates and the secret password is Ack Kack Phft Phft! (Must be in Bill the Cat dialect). 🙂
I knew this happened in other parts of the country, too.
Arizona…where everyone’s racist, weirdo cousin goes to evade his child support.
After the third time my co-worker got beat up in the late ’90s, (he’s from Amarillo) we told him that there were, in fact, some words that white boys should refrain from using in public, at night, in Oakland, while drunk. He didn’t take it well, but was sick of waking up with staples in his head. At least he lived.
My guess is the guy just moved to Maryvale from somewhere white and methy, like Apache Junction, but who knows…maybe he just finally decided to let his freak Confederate flag fly.
That’s hilarious, Doug. And seriously, staples in the head would be a PERFECT example of operant conditioning. Say bad words…beatdown. Lather, rinse, repeat.
I wonder how long it takes a chihuahua to eat a large redneck and whether it would give him/her indigestion from eating too much southern food?
True, but maybe the meth will even it out?
The last thing that a Chihuahua needs. It would be barking for 48 hours straight.
Oh, the mental image…
Looks like the next winner of the Darwin Award.
RIght! Darwin and Karma all wrapped into one tidy little package. 🙂
this. all. of. this. post. it’s why I’ve missed you immensely.
Seriously, woman! Miss your face!