Ryan: “If you could get anything you wanted for Valentine’s Day, what would you want?”
Me: “I’d want for Jon Stewart to take back his resignation and promise to stay on the Daily Show until the end of time.”
Ryan: (Blank stare.)
Me: (Raised eyebrow.)
Ryan: “Anything else?”
Me: “A unicorn.”
Ryan: “Soooo…tulips and chocolates it is!”
Fisticuffs and Shenanigans 
I think Men might forsake Steak and a BJ day for the purpose of reinstating Jon Stewart.
So sad. Jon Stewart broke my single gal’s heart right before V-day. Even chocolate can’t make this any better.
Amen sister. I was completely bereft The day the news broke, Ryan called me with, “Have…have you heard?” I feel like we should have hightailed it to mass to light candles. 😦
Red Meat: Is that what you call your HooHaa? (Did I go too far? I might’ve went too far.)
HA HA HA HA!!! Annnnnnnnd he wins for having the single most disgusting and yet fucking AMAZING thing to say.
I want to thank Meg’s vagina (Red Meat) for this award without whom none of this would be possible.
The weirdest thing anyone has ever called my cootch. Annnnd scene.
I am here to serve you my Queen. And now I’m off to find a unicorn!
It better be a fucking big one.
That’s what she said.
AMEN!
Reblogged this on Boring Girl Tells Stories and commented:
so true! I’m guessing I’m not getting a unicorn either…
Thanks, Abb!!!
too funny
🙂
Gosh! I go away for a little while and things have really changed. Ryan is very quick on his feet. I would have wasted half a day looking for the right unicorn.
I wouldn’t be remotely surprised if I get a stuffed one Saturday, just because he’s being a smartass. 🙂
Perhaps combining unicorn with the red meat theme?:
I’m not sure if I’m disgusted, or if I just really want to make BBQ meatballs out of that. Decisions!
Ha!
🙂
It doesn’t have to be RED meat, white meat is good too…
Jon is one of my heroes. It seems to me that he’s been toying with the idea of his departure for a while now. At least he trained some capable people (like John Oliver) to sort of do his job sfter he leaves.
I hope John can get out of his HBO contract to do it. Jessica is amazing, too…I adore her.
Don’t we all wish for that (Jon Stewart not leaving)?
We do. *sob* 😦
I’d actually like for Jon Stewart to promise to stay on my face until the end of time.
It’s late. Take what you can get.
Then, please, always post late, because that was hilarious. 🙂
Steak and Blowjob day is March 14th. If Ryan comes through with the unicorn, what are you going to get him?
Pffffft, like he wouldn’t want this EVERY day. lol 🙂
That’s why you only do it once a year, so that it’s special!
I’m giving him your email and phone number. Expect complaints. 🙂
I wondered – semi-seriously – if Fox had bought Comedy Central and if, therefore, Stewart had truly “resigned”…
…looks like The Onion is the only defense against Rupert Murdoch now…
I’m hoping they get John Oliver back. The writers are still insanely good…they just need the pitch man who can ATTEMPT to deliver.