When A Man And Woman Love Each Other VERY Much…And Have A Hall Pass


(A conversation via text…)

Me: Is today the day you’re at the Phoenix Open?

Ryan: I wish…still in the office, otherwise known as Super Bowl Central.  I’m saving my media pass for the Open for Sunday.

Me: If if makes you feel better, the only passes I get at work are restroom passes, and they’re not even for me.

Ryan: Luckily all of my reporters can use the restroom by themselves, so I don’t need those.

Me: See, I have to make sure my kids ARE using the restrooms BY THEMSELVES.

Ryan: In theory, what would happen if they caught two kids doing it in the bathroom?  Could they fire you?

Me: No, they’d just make me keep the resulting babies.

Ryan: I’d rather be fired.

Me: Word.


45 thoughts on “When A Man And Woman Love Each Other VERY Much…And Have A Hall Pass

  1. I am usually a laid back person.. but whenever I hear or think of bathroom sex it brings out the Howard Hughes in me. I am less concerned about conception and more compelled to show them the 20/20 episode on creepy critters thriving in public bathrooms! Nothing says sexy like E coli!

  2. Had to check your About page–Ah, yes–NOT in L.A. My next-door neighbor at one address here, her son in the local public junior high (with her trying desperately to get him transferred to a magnet), told me children were having sex openly in the hallways there. No more teacher’s dirty looks towards lockers, I guess. They were on break.

    • Unfortunately, we’re all so understaffed, that we can’t be everywhere. While teachers are stuck in the classroom, on passing periods, trying to do a 3-minute intervention on a kid, answering a parent’s call, answering one of the 400 emails we get a day, attempting to slam out some of the unGodly paperwork, or who knows…trying to actually pee ourselves….chaos. Parents need to parent, so kids wouldn’t dream of this, to begin with. Jesus…who left this soapbox here? Fuck…help me down? Yes, thank you. lol

      • Meg, I was a teacher. I will defend the mass of teachers (heros, in my opinion) against all the blame unfairly heaped on them. I’m posting a series about that now.

        But: I had visited this particular school, and…

        Holy sh#t. Plenty of blame to go around, in that place.

      • You said it. I was only an “us” for a brief while. Almost all the hundreds of teachers I encountered personally in that time, and in my non-teacher life, were/have been dedicated and creative folk. But: My principal shared that one summer, he borrowed teachers from a part of town I shall not name, only to discover them chatting on their cells and reading the latest gossip instead of teaching. Sh#theels.

  3. My take on this, Meg, is … Ryan’s a sports editor? I am so accustomed to your randy school kids and what can and can’t be tolerated here and there I’m immune to that part of your tale.

  4. Doug in Oakland

    in Eureka in the ’70s we didn’t need hall passes very much, but I had to think one up once:
    Office Lady: Why aren’t you in class?
    Me: I’m on an errand for Mr.Morgan for… office supplies.
    OL: Who is Mr.Morgan? I’ve never heard of him.
    Me: He’s the ROP welding instructor.
    OL: Are you learning to weld?
    Me: Yes ma’am, I take my certification test next month.
    OL: What kind of office supplies?
    Me: (thinking quickly) Binder rings and black markers.
    OL: Come with me, I’ll see what I can do.
    (Later in ROP welding)
    Me: Hey Pat, look what I got us…
    Mr.(Pat)Morgan: Where’d you get these?
    Me: The office.
    Pat: They told me I couldn’t have any more of these. Why did they give them to you?
    Me: Near as I can tell, because I’m cute. Or maybe charming.
    Pat: In other words you used me as a hall pass.
    Me: Yup.
    Pat: Somehow I don’t see you getting in trouble and blaming it on me, or I’d report you in a hot second, but don’t do it again, OK?

  5. Public RR give me the heebie jeebies! I try so hard NOT to go in one if I can help it. But if I do, I use paper towels to touch everything including turning the water ON and OFF! and the BR door…etc. I can’t imagine having sex in one! Stadium bathrooms are THE WORST! Gaarrrroooossss!

    • I am soooo with you. I do the same thing. D’Avonte actually takes Chlorox wipes in to wipe down the seat when he has to go, and our bathrooms are actually really clean for a high school. I do not fault the child AT ALL.

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