George Lucas…Trying To Undo All The Boners He Created With Leia’s Gold Bikini


(Yet another late night text conversation with Ryan that goes awry.)

Ryan: Morgan just informed me that she’s never having children, because Star Wars 3 freaked her out.

Me: She should be more freaked out about how awful that movie was, but maybe, as a father, that’s an enviable position for you to be in.  “That’s right, Morgan…SEX KILLS.”

Ryan: It’ll be like when C. Everett Koop said it, and ruined the sex lives of all American teenagers throughout the 80’s.  Never trust a man with a beard, but no mustache.  It’s unnatural.

Me: Yes, the 80’s…where we all kept it in our pants for fear of death and I owned two pairs of jelly shoes.

Ryan: Nice. Parachute cargo pants. I owned three pairs in different colors.

Me: OMG.  I’m dating you.

Ryan: Oh, but I looked goooooooooooood.

Me: I think we just found the real reason you couldn’t lose your virginity in the 80’s.



36 thoughts on “George Lucas…Trying To Undo All The Boners He Created With Leia’s Gold Bikini

  1. Don’t forget acid wash. Wearing clothes that looked like Ron Jeremy jizzed in the washing machine. I can’t even think about George Lucas went on to ruin Star Wars. That fucker raped my childhood.

  2. I own one pair of parachute pants–they are black, and HOT (but they are pipe-thin, and I wrapped the ankles and added buttons and…well, it’s L.A.–people think they’re some designer thing, rather than from my favorite secret discount supplier, “Bon Wilhelm”)–and I still think jelly shoes are cute.

    So there, nyeah-nyeah.

    Oh: Wait a minute. I’m getting jack-sh#t results from the dating sites except from EXACTLY the kind of dudes who would wear parachute pants. Hmmm…

    • In LA everything is allowed, really, as long as you can fake that you meant it. It’s time to burn sage around your keyboard to free your dating sights from evil. (It’s worth a try, right?) 🙂

      • Such a disappointing half-effort: If only you’d also given me a clue for how to beef up my dating site posting to draw ’em in–most esp. if it involved dishonesty. Then you would’ve bestowed the complete sage ad-vice.

  3. We are the sons of Leia, and we do not tolerate mockery of any things Star Wars. The force is with us, yo. By the way, no one was easily losing their virginity in the 80’s… trust me.

  4. By FAR…the WORST fashion statement from the 80s was the shirts off the shoulder that stopped just below the breasts! OMG! Those were just wrong! I never owned one! And the hair!! Really?? Jennifer Aniston has nothing on the Farrah Fawcett look! I liked the stone washed/acid washed jeans though! Those rocked! And I had head bands in every color! LOL!

  5. Doug in Oakland

    My virginity never made it to the ’80s, but if it had, it would have immediately been annihilated. I had to look up jellies and parachute pants to find out what they were… Maybe because I’m old. Wait a minute, I was 19 in 1980, why didn’t I know about those things? Maybe because I’ve never been into doing trendy things. Maybe losing your virginity was trendy in the ’70s, but I’m pretty sure that’s not why I did it.

  6. Ahhhhh the 80’s… when your hair bangs needed to equal the height of your shoulder pads. We were a happenin crew! (sorry for the late catch-ups. I have been swimming in work lately).

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s