(Yet another late night text conversation with Ryan that goes awry.)
Ryan: Morgan just informed me that she’s never having children, because Star Wars 3 freaked her out.
Me: She should be more freaked out about how awful that movie was, but maybe, as a father, that’s an enviable position for you to be in. “That’s right, Morgan…SEX KILLS.”
Ryan: It’ll be like when C. Everett Koop said it, and ruined the sex lives of all American teenagers throughout the 80’s. Never trust a man with a beard, but no mustache. It’s unnatural.
Me: Yes, the 80’s…where we all kept it in our pants for fear of death and I owned two pairs of jelly shoes.
Ryan: Nice. Parachute cargo pants. I owned three pairs in different colors.
Me: OMG. I’m dating you.
Ryan: Oh, but I looked goooooooooooood.
Me: I think we just found the real reason you couldn’t lose your virginity in the 80’s.
Fisticuffs and Shenanigans 
AhahAha!!!
🙂
Don’t forget acid wash. Wearing clothes that looked like Ron Jeremy jizzed in the washing machine. I can’t even think about George Lucas went on to ruin Star Wars. That fucker raped my childhood.
John is REALLY angry at Lucas…everyone look…look away.
And that is the single most accurate, artful, and yet horrific way to describe acid-wash EVER.
Response to first sentence: MY RAGE KNOWS NO BOUNDS!!!
Response to second sentence: Awww thanks.
John Callaghan…master of the jizz-based analogy.
And kids, if you work hard like me you can also master the jizz analogy. Stay in school!
SAT prep…never been so porny.
HAHAHA.
I own one pair of parachute pants–they are black, and HOT (but they are pipe-thin, and I wrapped the ankles and added buttons and…well, it’s L.A.–people think they’re some designer thing, rather than from my favorite secret discount supplier, “Bon Wilhelm”)–and I still think jelly shoes are cute.
So there, nyeah-nyeah.
Oh: Wait a minute. I’m getting jack-sh#t results from the dating sites except from EXACTLY the kind of dudes who would wear parachute pants. Hmmm…
In LA everything is allowed, really, as long as you can fake that you meant it. It’s time to burn sage around your keyboard to free your dating sights from evil. (It’s worth a try, right?) 🙂
Such a disappointing half-effort: If only you’d also given me a clue for how to beef up my dating site posting to draw ’em in–most esp. if it involved dishonesty. Then you would’ve bestowed the complete sage ad-vice.
Shit…just talk about how much you love high IQs and blowjobs? (See, I’m hopeless) lol
I just watched an 80s American Bandstand video (Tarzan Boy by Baltimora) and the 80s dancing and parachute pants were quite the flashback.
Annnnd now I need to Youtube that crap. 🙂
I am thinking of doing a post honoring the terrible 1980s 45s I have…
Oh….that needs to happen post haste!
😂
Hahaha
🙂
We are the sons of Leia, and we do not tolerate mockery of any things Star Wars. The force is with us, yo. By the way, no one was easily losing their virginity in the 80’s… trust me.
As he is 4 years older than me, he would agree wholeheartedly. And as he likes to point out, as much as he knows about Star Wars, I have correspondingly dorkish knowledge of Harry Potter. We all have our nerdery, just in different disciplines. 🙂
I love the Potter, too!
Guess where I’m going this summer!?
Wait. Which movie are we referring to as Star Wars 3? Third movie in the first trilogy or second God-awful, prequel mess trilogy??
The prequel mess. Fringing awful, right?
Lucas should be required to return all the money he’s made since SW was released. This would be his penance for the shamefully bad prequels. Jar Jar binks alone was cause enough to demand this, much less the horrible casting. The only decent thing about those movies was Ewan McGregor
Seriously, he owes us all that money back, and somehow needs to pay us back in ours of our lives.
By FAR…the WORST fashion statement from the 80s was the shirts off the shoulder that stopped just below the breasts! OMG! Those were just wrong! I never owned one! And the hair!! Really?? Jennifer Aniston has nothing on the Farrah Fawcett look! I liked the stone washed/acid washed jeans though! Those rocked! And I had head bands in every color! LOL!
It’s a wonder the birth rate didn’t plummet to nothing. I think the only thing that saved mankind was some wicked sweet New Wave music.
My virginity never made it to the ’80s, but if it had, it would have immediately been annihilated. I had to look up jellies and parachute pants to find out what they were… Maybe because I’m old. Wait a minute, I was 19 in 1980, why didn’t I know about those things? Maybe because I’ve never been into doing trendy things. Maybe losing your virginity was trendy in the ’70s, but I’m pretty sure that’s not why I did it.
You were done in by the sweet, sweet sound of early Aerosmith and some flared jeans, Sir. I know the truth!
I had Toys in the Attic on an 8-track tape, and two pairs of my flared jeans were purple.
Ahhhhh the 80’s… when your hair bangs needed to equal the height of your shoulder pads. We were a happenin crew! (sorry for the late catch-ups. I have been swimming in work lately).
Anytime you show is a good time, sister. 🙂 And last night he showed me prom pics…they were glorious.
Inhgists like this liven things up around here.