You’re Lucky That Make-Believe Bitch Didn’t Leave You A Check


Waking up the twins this morning…

Me: “Did the Tooth Fairy come?”

Liam: (incredulous look…reaching under his pillow) “Yes…she brought me…a Target gift card?”

Me: “It must be a marketing thing…she’s probably got a corporate sponsorship.”

Liam: (eye roll)

Xavier: (Under his breath) “Or she just got caught without cash again…”

37 thoughts on “You’re Lucky That Make-Believe Bitch Didn’t Leave You A Check

  1. Ha! No kidding! Well son I added up your tooth allowance, subtracted your food and rent. I was going to charge you an entertainment fee but decided to waive it this month. Because I love you and shit like that. And sweet pea, you owe mommy $743.27. Big Kiss!

  2. Our Tooth Fairy has had a few do-overs… But mostly we blame the kids and say they weren’t looking hard enough. One of us does this in the kitchen, while the other tries to find the damn tooth and make the deposit. Classic misdirection…

  3. Love that title too. Target recently came to Canada but they are not doing well. They run out of inventory all the time and the shelves go bare. They cannot get the numbers right. Sometimes I’ll walk around the store and pretend I’m in Moscow in 1986. Remember “Moscow on the Hudson”? What strange little movie. People lining up for toilet paper.

    • Another great Robin Williams movie. Target is AMAZING. I love Target. It’s like Walmart, but without the inbreeding, rampant diseases, human rights violations, and villainy.

  4. Back in the dark ages (before gift cards) I used to get a crisp $1.00 bill for every tooth EXTRACTED (stubborn little pricks – which explains the 6 years of braces I wore). One night, my Dad lifted my pillow and dropped (deliberately) 4 quarters – one on top of the other (which of course as I was a light sleeper) woke me up to see the real “Tooth Fairy”. Apparently, subtlety was not my Dad’s strong point – or maybe he was tired of having to pay both the dentist AND me for the same damn tooth!

  5. Storm Chaser

    The tooth fairy last made an appearance at our house when my son was 8. He found money under his pillow and proceeded to rip it up stating that he wanted his tooth back to keep as a treasure. That night, he put the shredded bill under his pillow and said that the tooth fairy better bring his tooth back. She did…..along with a note stating that there is a one time only return policy and she would no longer provide payment for any of his teeth.

  6. Doug in Oakland

    I never thought I had what it takes to be a competent fairy, tooth or otherwise, until I became the garbage fairy for a while. Where did all of the garbage go? Must be the garbage fairy again.
    Maybe you could pitch the idea to Target Corporate: Target branded Tooth Fairy Cards! You might not get rich from it, but they could at least give you a few to lend continuity to your story…

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