Some background… My ex-husband has this funny habit of not paying his child support, and of canceling the kid’s health insurance without telling us. He’s a winner…it’s a wonder we didn’t last.
Tracy: “So what was his response to the email about the kid’s insurance?”
Me: (laughing) “That I wouldn’t care about things like the kids being able to go to a doctor, if I moved on with my life, and it was time that I finally got over him.”
Tracy: “Oh, please. You were over him two years into a nine-year marriage. Can you think of ANYTHING nice about being married to that asshole?”
Me: (long pause) “Well, when we were together, I thought it would be sort of romantic to keep a secret running count of the number of orgasms he gave me.”
Tracy: “Seriously?”
Me: “Yeah. After all…how hard is it to count to three?”
(I also deserve a Nobel Peace Prize for not telling him every time he fucks something up…which is all the time.)
Fisticuffs and Shenanigans 
Ouch. 🙂
I know…it’s a sad, because it’s true.
I too was married to an ass-jack for about 8 years. He dubbed me “A Sneaky C-Word” for reporting him to my local Support Svs office for deciding he didn’t want to pay child support anymore after our son turned 18. My calculations were generously overestimated when I could’ve easily told the social worker that he 100% didn’t pay me a dime since the beginning of our separation. I forbade him from writing me checks since they had a habit of bouncing & he was too lazy/stupid to get money orders ergo also too stupid to request a receipt from me.
Ugh… As bad as it is to deal with them…it has to be a million times worse to BE them. I can’t imagine being unable to escape living in their skin.
Trust me, it doesn’t suck for him. He always manages to get some idiot woman to be his puppeteer. Life is easier for him when he hands over all control & responsibility to someone else. I got tired of it – “Special” by Garbage became his song in my mind…
His third (yes, third) wife inherited some dough & they now live in a nice house in a suburb north of me with matching “smart-cars”‘; which I found hilarious – he now needs a f’kn CAR to be “smart” for him! (He totaled at least 2 in his lifetime). Better her than ME!
One wonders what inspired you to marry it in the first place. Didn’t it carry a notice saying, ”Beware of the leper”?
It didn’t. It lied…a lot. And I was young and stupid…like A LOT.
Well thank god you had a free hand while counting to 3 on the other…
Sadly, that’s the only reason why I managed three at all.
There just has to be a Darwin Award for people like that. 🙂
Trust me…I’m shocked every day that he makes it through without being strangled by an angry monkey.
I have an ex like that too.
Maybe we can get them together. They can go bowling. 🙂
What is it with crapfaces who use their kids as pawns to be petty? Why is it so common? Is there a handbook they give out?
(To be fair, my ex is not like this, but I have one thousand girlfriends who have exes like like that)
See! At least I’m not alone! 🙂
I say if they’re gonna be a deadbeat, you should at least be allowed to beat them, in public, over the head, with a rubber chicken. It may not be useful, but it would at least be amusing.
I’m voting for you, for sheriff. You have way better plans than the one we have. WAY BETTER.
I’ve got one of those, too…..and I like Doug’s idea of the chicken beating. I also like the idea of bringing back stockades and throwing rotten fruit and veggies at their heads.
I call tomatoes!!!
Screw the Oscar and the Nobel Prize. You deserve a goddamn sainthood!
Ugh, you have no idea. I was the world’s most ridiculous martyr. Thankfully, no more.