Autocorrect…Miracle, or Pentecostal Conspiracy?


Me: My gay far has been impeccable, thus far.

Me: GAYDAR.  Damn you, auto!  You should KNOW me by now.

Ryan: So much for Apple’s smart typing feature.  And all those people who end up with dick in their autocorrect?  It’s because I call people dicks a lot.

Me: Mine took forever to accept that I wasn’t obsessed with duck.

Ryan: Trust me, it’s worse when Siri does it to you.  “I’ve found 30 places for duck near you.”

Me: No, Siri…no, you didn’t.

Ryan: You’d think with hundreds of millions of iPhones out there, she would have learned to lean toward fuck instead, but no.

Me: Seriously, why so puritanical, Siri?  She’s like a grandmother…always trying to assume the best of us.

Ryan: She makes you feel guilty for asking for it.

Me: Asking for it?  What are you asking Siri for, you pervert?

Ryan: Ducks.

Ryan: And cats.  Sometimes I ask Siri for cats.

25 thoughts on “Autocorrect…Miracle, or Pentecostal Conspiracy?

  1. I can’t tell you how many people I refer to as a ducking asshole. Or how many times I say I need a good ducking. It’s really annoying…it’s the one term my phone refuses to learn 😉

  2. I think autocorrect is a tool used by our lord to identify people who use swears and thus leaving said people behind at the rapture. And all the potty mouthed sin fuckers will be left behind to text each other swears until the anti-christ comes.
    Sometimes I’m a crazy old lady in house dress with the rosary draped around my hands.

  3. Cary Vaughn

    I’ve tried working around the whole auto-correct thing by telling people to go “penetrate” themselves or that they’re hot and I want them to “penetrate” me, but that just doesn’t have the same effect.

  4. Since my favorite word is shank and my blog title has shank in it, you’d think Siri would get the hint. Nope, even when I threaten to shank her she assumes the best of me and corrects to very random words. Oh, and shave really livens a conversation with your brother…

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