(Yes, folks…I’m back at work, doing teacher’s training, in preparation for next year. Summer, you sweet, sultry bitch…I’ll miss you.)
Me: “What are we doing on Friday?”
James: “Technology training in the morning, and sexual harassment training all afternoon.”
Me: “Training? They want us to be awesome at sexual harassment?”
James: “I’m guessing they want us NOT to do it.”
Me: “So that means we have 48 hours left before we have to cut that shit out.”
(two minutes later)
Me: “Your ass looks nice in those pants.”
James: “Nice tits.”
*high five*
Fisticuffs and Shenanigans 
Awesome. Sounds like you work at a fun school.
I do. Less fun after Friday, apparently. *sigh*
The other day my boss asks “what holiday is coming? A client just wished me a happy holiday”
I shrugged. He says, it’s one of your people. I check my Jewish phone calendar and said nothing you wish anyone a happy for. What’s his name?
Boss says, xxxviii themen
Me, semen?
boss, we have a new employee. Don’t scare her
Me, wouldn’t it be a riot if his first name was Seymour?
I just want to know what holiday it is!!!
Best I could come up with was rosh chodesh which is new month. But this is a shitty month since it’s av. Mourning for loss of the temple, plus a ton of other bad stuff happened in av like holocaust, etc
Sounds like a real fucking kegger.
Monday is a holiday in Canada.
Ohhhhhh, that’s it. Malks…it was our northern neighbor’s shindig.
It doesn’t even have a name though. It’s just designated a Civic Holiday. I think that is bullshit. Lazy bullshit. I expect better from my country.
God. I do, too, frankly. You guys are the place I threaten to move every time I get fed up with the US or Arizona. (read: twice daily)
Maybe in honour of sexual harassment we could call it “Sweet Titties” Monday? Or make it the yearly day to watch porn? I don’t know. I feel like I’m mailing this in. It feels like Arizona here in Alberta. It’s hot. Too hot. And I’m moving slow.
Trust me, the heat is the least of the reason why I suspect this place might ACTUALLY be a gateway to the underworld. 🙂
Um…Sweet Titties Monday is now a thing. IT IS NOW A THING!!!
Oh. Okay. I’d like to thank everyone with “Sweet Titties.” Without you, this day would not have been possible.
You’re welcome.
Canuks!
LOL, once I got past the poor spelling in the picture, I totally laughed my ass off!
Diana xo
I know…it made me nuts, too.
Wait… that’s sexual harassment?! I think I’ve been going about flirting all wrong for several years!
Apparently, I shouldn’t have been just walking up, cupping their package, and winking as a means of hello.
That’s inappropriate too?!? Boy, you learn something new every day!
It might be inappropriate, but it pays for drinks, so who are we to second-guess.
I miss those sexual harrassment training seminars. The best way to find out who the liberated people are! Use them to advantage people. lol.
I’ll just watch the room to see whose breath is bated, and who responds appropriately when I wink, while they talk about rubbing up on people.
Exactly. The ones who giggle and snicker at the things that sound dirty but aren’t are totally up for a bit of office shenanigans.
So…many…uses…for post-its…
Post it Note pasties. Yes, the possibilities are endless.
OMG…I even have some that are shaped like apples. DONE!
Brilliant!!
And thank you!!! 🙂
Picture – best pickup line ever! Ahem 🙂
I wish I could take credit for it, but I farmed that one from the interwebs. It’s both delightful AND disturbing, which is a sweet spot, really. lol
Awesome! LOL Here, we have some imaginary bullshit training called the “Sanctuary” Model (we are even State “Certified” in this imaginary bullshit). Basically, it is something that should be common sense practice, like not beating up your coworkers or screaming like Gunnery Sgt. Hartman, but at the same time it gives all the smart-ass lazyfucks this feeling like if they don’t “agree with” or “like” something, then they don’t have to do it because forcing shit on people is “”un-sanctuary””. We all have to have our own “Sanctuary Plan” on the back of our ID tags, I guess in case someone finds any staff curled up in a ball crying in the fetal position then they will know that Staff A needs to go for a 20-min walk on the nature trail on campus and Staff B needs a liquid lunch and a pedicure.
Wow. That should be a blog post… LOL 😀
First of all…I demand you write this into a post, because it’s AMAZING. And secondly, I will sit through any training if it basically gets me a free pass to act hurt and then demand a 90 minute massage and a chocolate fountain to fix me. 🙂
LMAO! Actually, I should change my plan to include 2 5-day weekends in a row using THEIR accrued time and a letter of apology for insulting my intelligence since 2008.
Seriously, this must be done.
Did you know that March 14th is “Steak
and a Blow Job” Day? (Apparently for men only, given that Valentine’s Day is supposed to be
for women).
1. Brilliant!
2. Anyone surprised that immediately following is The Ides of March?
Ditto!!!! Back to school I go! Wahhhh!!! #teachersUnite
The waking up before 9….this is hard. Ugh. I feel 2014-15, is going to be the year of the coffee bean.
Don’t fight it doll!
Friggin’ hilarious.
Bahahaha – yes! You have a new follower : )
Molly…you in danger girl. (sorry, sorry…couldn’t help myself) 🙂