Money Can’t Buy You B*tches.



And yet another series of text conversations from my friend Drew…the world’s most angry husband…  A little background, to make this conversation make sense…  Drew is Jewish and attended Princeton.

Drew: You are not going to fucking believe this.  I was rejected by the dog rescue.  How in the hell does this even happen?

Me: The hell?  Did you dress up like Michael Vick?  Did you have an erection in the middle of the kennel?

Drew: I have no idea.  It was based on my filling out the forms online.  They never even met me.

Me: Maybe they’re Harvard grads.  Maybe they want the dogs to go to good Christian homes.

Drew: *sigh*

Me: Did you look into the Humane Society?

Drew: They only have pitbulls.  Rachel would shit herself if I brought home a pitbull.

Me: Awww, look at you being nice and caring about what your wife wants.

Drew: Second thought…going tomorrow…finding one that has mommy issues.

**The next day**

Me: Hey, can you call me in for an inhaler?  I lost the other one.

Drew: How in the hell do you lose an inhaler…it’s medication…important medication.  It should be in your purse, so you have it, if you need it.  It’s allergy season.  What if you had an episode!?

Me: Are you lecturing me?  I don’t know if you’re qualified to be lecturing me.

Drew: Qualified!?  Give me the name of a doctor who is more qualified than me…please…enlighten me.

Me: Well, for starters…any doctor that can be trusted with a stray dog.

Drew: *sigh* I walked straight into this.  Do you even need a new inhaler.

Me: Nope.  🙂

Drew:  You are such an asshole.  If I didn’t love you, I’d hate you.

Me: Woof.

Drew: Grrrrr…

9 thoughts on “Money Can’t Buy You B*tches.

    • Huge, gorgeous house, but I think not fenced….you’re probably right. *sigh* Although, they refused to tell him why, which I find even funnier, because it’s incensing him.

  1. ah, so your friend is realizing that those rescue people are a little Nazi-ish (no offense to all the rescue people, but look in the f*cking mirror, rescue people). the golden retriever rescue people told us no children under 5 in the home. the fuck? goldens love children under five??? they still drop a shit-ton of food from their plates and they pet dogs until their hands fall off. we told them she’d be turning five in a few months and could we start the application process and they said “just wait until she’s five” (kinda like she had herpes and they were saying, “just wait until the flare up is gone.”) ;o)

    • Seriously! His exact words were “martyrs with a rescue complex, who don’t actually want to give away dogs, but just want a socially justifiable way to hoard them, because they can’t get along with other human beings”. I think you’re both right about them, but Nazi-ish is more succinct.

      Um…Goldens LIVE for small children. That’s the key demographic!

      And don’t get me started on how herpes has fucked with my life, and I don’t even have it. LOL

  2. LMAO !!! Those forms you have to fill out are so intrusive! Here they even want to come to your home for an inspection! How dare they!!
    Your relationship with your “better half” sounds like mine! except he’s not a doctor 😮 !! Lb.

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