Tracy: “Hey, do you want to meet up for an early dinner?”
Me: “I can’t…I have a situation.”
Tracy: “Oh, this should be fascinating. What now?”
Me: “Two of my fourteen kids popped positive for lice this week, and one of them always hugs me when I’m at my desk, and rests his head on mine. My OCD just went from dormant to full Adrian Monk. I refuse to let them check me, but I swear I can feel them fucking all over my scalp. The ones behind my left ear are into some really kinky shit.”
Tracy: “Napalm or shaving your head?”
Me: “Olive oil.”
Tracy: “How does THAT work?”
Me: “I saturated my hair and then wrapped my whole head in plastic wrap and a shower cap. I smell like Mario Bartoli’s ballsack.”
Tracy: “Look at the bright side, it could be Guy Fieri’s.”
Me: “I’ll keep the lice, thank you.”
Fisticuffs and Shenanigans 
Nobody wants Guy Fieri’s ballsack.
Guy Fieri even wants it off of himself.
I’m sure he does. That thing can’t be comfortable in the kitchen. Luckily, that’s where the knives are!
Ha!!!
ah. lice. psychological terror. no olive oil here. I read that they don’t like heat and I was tempted to just torch all the kids’ heads. and this vaguely reminds me of the time hubby started taking garlic pills to prolong his life (why?) and asked me if I could smell it. I was like, “jesus. you just need a chicken and we can eat a dinner Mario batali would be proud of.”
Seriously, if my kids get it…they’re going to look like Buddhist monks. Even the girl child. The hair is all going.
My son was unlucky enough to get lice twice in pre-school (not since then, thank God). I didn’t want to put poison on his little head, so we slathered our heads in mayo, wrapped with saran wrap and heated it all up with a hairdryer. The mayo kind of melted and dribbled down our backs, but that was pretty harmless. Washed our hair several times with “clarifying” shampoo and had marvelously soft, silky hair for a week, even if we did smell like salad.
I have read recently that a vinegar rinse will also loosen the glue those little suckers use to apply their nits, so a follow up rinse with vinegar and a good combing should take care of them.
Seriously, lice scare the bejesus out of me. They’re tenacious wee bastards.
Between the mayo and vinegar…fully a salad dressing situation. 🙂
Seriously, lice scare the bejesus out of me. They’re tenacious wee bastards.
Between the mayo and vinegar…fully a salad dressing situation. 🙂
I think you can only kill them by smothering. I just don’t know where to find those tiny little pillows. I think I just invented something awesome.
Um…fuck, yeah, you did! Sadly, I’m seriously thinking of things that could be used for this purpose. My dishes aren’t done and my dog needs a bath…but, I have time for this.
I’m pretty sure if you put the dishes in the bath with the dog, you can kill 2 birds…
Um…I’m sure it burns like a son-of-a-gun, but in my parents and grandparents day, they used kerosene on kids’ scalps, and I was told it worked. OUCH! keep head away from open flame…
When I taught, I, too, was terrified of lice, and imagined crawling on my own scalp whenever students had infestations. My long skinny Pippi braids seemed custom-made bug-bridges. Ew. Ew-ew.