Does the Carpet Match the Felony?



(A text conversation with a fellow redhead.)

Kimberly: “I would like you to know that I have been in a shittastic mood all day because of some lunatic, but you made me laugh, and now instead of plotting her murder, I’m only planning non-lethal bodily harm.”

Me: “Ha!  Orange looks like shit on our kind.  Don’t do it.”

Kimberly: “It really does.  I look like a big tomato.”

Me: “If we were wearing orange, we couldn’t even get angry prison sex.”

Kimberly: “If I wind up in tent city, that pink is equally unflattering.  Maybe I can convince them to give me a nice Army green to bring out my eyes.”

Me: “Bahhhh ha ha ha!  You want prison sex!”

Kimberly: “Hey, I’ve had the same dick for 13 years.  Bitch needs a little variety.”

*And in all seriousness, and because it’s SORT OF on topic…if you haven’t subscribed to Netflix to watch Orange Is the New Black…do it immediately.  It’s friggin’ fantastic.  And, if you’re already there, watch House of Cards, too.  It’s like West Wing, but they can say the C-word, Kevin Spacey is super deliciously evil, and mid-season, there is an “adult” scene that is seriously a millimeter from actual pornography.  Unless you’re offended by that sort of thing, in which case, I can’t believe you read this blog.

**And in no seriousness whatsoever, but it’s still sort of on-topic…I think that “Felonious Vagina” would make an awesome band name.

14 thoughts on “Does the Carpet Match the Felony?

  1. hubby and I watched house of cards in like two days. I had eye strain afterward similar, but not as depressing, as the strain after 9-11. we are now watching orange is the new black. hubby (of course) loves it (with the hope of inmate sex that each new episode brings). I think it’s meh so far. I never liked whatshername from that 70’s show (although, I must say her transformation for this is………….amazing) and I want to vomit every time that mustached guy (both of them) open their mouths. I am biding my time until they release season 3 of the killing. ;o)

  2. I really really enjoyed House of Cards, and it appears there will be a second season. I have no idea when, however. I also really liked Hemlock Grove, but acknowledge that it won’t be for everybody.

    Yeah, I think Felonious Vagina is a pretty good band name. I’ve got a sticker for a band called Vaginal Croutons. I’ve never heard any of their songs, I just got it from the radio station at college.

    • The second season is coming, but I’m not sure of the date, either. Soon, hopefully!

      That is one band that I would think twice about becoming a groupie for.

  3. I second this: “Unless you’re offended by that sort of thing, in which case, I can’t believe you read this blog.”

    I read this blog primarily for that sort of content.

  4. I tried OITNB’s E1 and was bored. Please tell me it gets radically better really quickly. Everyone says it is so good–and I agree about House of Cards.

    And BTW, although usually, as with all redheads, oranges and yellows advertise my fish-belly complexion, I have a pair of Gold’s Gym orange pants–a lot like prison pants–that WORK with a red shirt! I have no idea why, but they do. But my hair is more strawberry blonde-y/auburn-y than bright red, so maybe that’s the diff…

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