Just wait until I hit puberty, bitches.
(After I had to check the dog for a suspicious spot on his belly, that turned out to be a scab from scratching, and when I was done, he took off and hid under the bed.)
Caolinn: “I believe he’s feeling awkward because you touched his no-no square. If he could dial a phone right now, you’d be in a lot of trouble.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
(Emerging from the bathroom after her period came 5 days late.)
Caolinn: “Well, I have some excellent news for you…I’m not carrying the second coming of Christ.”
Fisticuffs and Shenanigans 
Love it! You didn’t want to be His grandmother anyway, did you?
Oh, hecks, no! (See, I refrained from saying ‘hell’, because, in this scenario, I’m afraid I’d have to behave…forever.)
Although, having a kid around who could flip water to wine, and score me unlimited fish and bread? I could totally get behind that.
OH MY EVER LOVING GOD. do they sing the no-no song constantly too??? please tell me my kid is not the only freak in the u.s.
There is a SONG!? A SONG!? (please don’t email them and tell them, or I’ll never have a moment of peace again)
maybe I need to do a youtube video of boy child singing it for you? but, then again, that might land us all in a maximum security prison? orange IS the new black, but I don’t think I am down for that right now.
I look like shit in orange…it clashes with my hair. I guess I shouldn’t break the law, huh?